FrogZeenie ranks and reviews the albums of THE CURE

Reposted from another fourm per FrogZeenie's request

13. The Top (1984)



Thank God this wasn't the first album I ever heard by the Cure, because if it was I then I would just think "lolwut what's with all the praise for these chaps?" instead of "God damn this album is magnificent" (which was what I thought when I heard.... ehehehe). The Top is, quite frankly, a rather shitty album and it comes out of nowhere in the band's chronology. To quote the Idiot, how do you make a string of great albums, then randomly make one shitty album, and then just make another string of great albums, just pretending the piece of shit never happened? I know Robert Smith was fucked up pretty much 24/7 when he made this album, but apparently he was fucked up 24/7 while he made Pornography and Disintegration also, so... I don't know man. The album tries to be poppy and psychadelic yet somehow depressing at the same time, and usually fails miserably. To be honest, most of the songs just have something about them that strikes me as... "Stupid", in the way that they sound, full of bad (sometimes bordering on downright retarded) lyrics and riffs that are just plain annoying. In the 10 songs on the album, there aren't any of the beautiful melodies or catchy pop hooks that we've come to expect from the Smithster and company. In short, the Top is really just a mess of an album, but I suppose it was a (somewhat) important step in the evolution of the band.... in it's own shitty way.

Song Rankings:

10. Piggy in the Mirror: What the fuck is this song, seriously, what the fuck

9. Birdmad Girl: THIS SONG IS FUCKING RETARDED. That is all.

8. Bananafishbones: Read above.

7. The Top: Boring fucking song, annoying riff that goes throughout the entire song makes me want to break a kitten's neck, Smith's vocals sound pretty shitty. You'll check your iTunes to see how far into the song you are at about three minutes in and when it says three minutes in you will say "God fucking damn" in a frustrated tone.

6. Give Me It: Quite possibly the most irritating song in the Cure's entire discography.

5. Wailing Wall: Also a very irritating song. The flute noises throughout the song make me want to find the kitten whose neck I broke and re-break it.

4. Dressing Up: Pretty much the first song on here I'd call somewhat enjoyable. SOMEWHAT. It's still kind of annoying.

3. The Empty World: A pretty decent song here, the flute sounds are pretty nice.

2. Shake Dog Shake: Okay this song is kind of awesome. In a way. It's a wierd fucking song, but it's kind of awesome. Robert's vocals are decent here and it's always a strange pleasure to hear him go SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE over and over again.

1. The Caterpillar: Alright this song is actually pretty nice even if the piano intro is kind of annoying. The best song on here and it's about an 8/10 I suppose. I get a strange enjoyment out of Robert's "flicka flicka flicka flicka here you are" noises for some odd reason. A love song about comparing a girl to a caterpillar "flying away" once she "becomes a butterfly" could be either cute or creepy, but either way it makes for pretty much the only decent lyrics on The Top.

The Top-era singles Let's Go To Bed, The Walk, and The Lovecats should've all been included on the album, as their inclusion would have improved the album significantly, seeing as how all of them are much better than anything on the album.

ehehe i wrote that ehehe